


Awakening

by SilentRain91



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Asexual Character, Asexual!Kara, F/F, Mon-Hell is bad news, One Shot, idk i suddenly got emotional about stuff and wrote this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 22:13:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10053728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentRain91/pseuds/SilentRain91
Summary: “I’m just… not quite here I guess,” she says as a weak excuse. She twirls her pen around with a strained smile on her face and that’s the moment the pen snaps. “Golly,” she says, sighing deeply as the ink spreads in the palm of her hand.Lena opens a drawer, revealing a box of tissues which she slides over her desk, towards Kara. “Are you alright?” she asks, even more concern seeping through her voice now.“Yes,” Kara answers quickly, grabbing a handful of tissues with her free hand. “No,” she says, inhaling sharply as she dabs at the ink.





	

Kara taps her pen nervously against her notepad and it takes her all the self-control she has not to snap her pen in half like a twig. It would be easy to do that, far too easy, but she shouldn’t.

“Kara,” Lena says softly. Her voice sounding concerned as her eyes search Kara.

“Yes, sorry,” Kara replies, attempting to snap out of it. “I’m just… not quite here I guess,” she says as a weak excuse. She twirls her pen around with a strained smile on her face and that’s the moment the pen snaps. “Golly,” she says, sighing deeply as the ink spreads in the palm of her hand.

Lena opens a drawer, revealing a box of tissues which she slides over her desk, towards Kara. “Are you alright?” she asks, even more concern seeping through her voice now.

“Yes,” Kara answers quickly, grabbing a handful of tissues with her free hand. “No,” she says, inhaling sharply as she dabs at the ink.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Lena asks, offering Kara an ear.

“I wouldn’t want to steal more time from you,” Kara answers, not wanting to be a bother. She was merely here for a brief interview, nothing more or less, though her concentration today disagrees with her.

“Nonsense, Kara,” Lena replies lightly, waving her hands. “I always have time for you. After all, you are my friend,” she says, not minding it one bit. “So, if you want to talk, whenever wherever, I’m here for you.”

Kara is a bit surprised that Lena is offering her that she can talk to her at whatever time and whatever place, but then again, Lena is a good person and this shouldn’t come as a surprise at all. “It’s about Mo- Mike,” she starts, sighing again.

“Mike of the interns,” Lena remembers.

“Yes,” Kara confirms whilst nodding. “The thing is, Mike was my friend and though it didn’t always go that well, I did enjoy him being my friend. I never seemed to be able to be friends with someone without them feeling something for me,” she explains, thinking for example about Winn. “Mike feels things for me and recently, very recently actually, we got together, but it’s just…” She waves her hands around in big gestures and shakes her head.

Lena pushes her chair back and gets up to walk towards her couch. She points at the couch for Kara to take a seat there with her. It sounds obvious to her that the sunny reporter has a lot on her mind. What Kara explained so far gives her an inkling of what the issue could be. She assumes it could be about how her friends always fall for her, though she can’t blame people for falling for Kara. She’d be a hypocrite if she would when she herself has been falling for the walking ray of sunshine since day one.

Kara takes a deep breath and tries to gather her thoughts. She’s sitting slightly sideways as is Lena, so they can face each other. In a conversation it’s right to face who you’re talking with. “I kissed Mike, which I probably shouldn’t have done,” she says, regretting that she took that step. “I thought that it could be nice, just a kiss, but then he just…he erm, slept over and I didn’t like it. When he slept over we… you know… things happened.”

Lena nods in understanding and hopes Kara doesn’t feel ashamed to be honest with her. It’s refreshing that she is the person her friend is conveying to when she knows Kara has a bunch of friends she could have gone to instead.

“I thought that being with him wouldn’t change much,” Kara says, having hoped it would feel like a tight knitted friendship, but it doesn’t. “Kissing and cuddling is nice, but the whole intimacy thing just isn’t and I don’t really understand why. I’ve never gotten quite far in any relationship ever and I never really told anyone this before because I feel like… like,” she explains, trying to find the words to express herself. “I feel like I’m broken. At first I thought everything was fine with me because my sister seemed the same, but then she met Maggie and now she’s not the same. I mean, I’m happy for Alex, very happy even. But… I’m lost. I feel broken, alone, misunderstood.”

“Intimacy is not for everyone,” Lena says calmly, resting a comforting hand on Kara’s knee. “Some people only want to kiss and cuddle and that is okay. Sometimes those people call themselves asexual.”

“Asexual,” Kara repeats, testing the foreign word on her tongue. “There is a name for… that?”

“More than a name,” Lena answers. “There is a community. It is said that one percent of the population is asexual.”

Kara makes a mental note to look into that sometime because it means that maybe she’s not alone. Maybe she’s not the only person who feels this way. For the first time in a long time, she truly feels alien, as humans would say it.

“You are not broken, Kara,” Lena assures her friend. “Not enjoying or desiring intimacy does not make you less.”

“After Mike slept over, I’ve been sort of trying to avoid him,” Kara confesses, feeling ashamed for having done that because it’s unfair towards Mon-El. “I told him I wanted to keep our relationship private and the first thing he did was walk into the – in a place where my sister was and some other people, publicly announcing that he is dating me. It’s like, I ask him one thing and he does the complete opposite, which is infuriating.”

Lena knew from the day she met Mike that she didn’t like him, with the way he basically invited himself to the gala she was having. Now she definitely dislikes him because he sounds disrespectful.

“When he slept over, I woke up before him and got out of bed to do other things,” Kara explains further, having felt relieved when she could busy herself as Supergirl. “I felt a bit guilty and got him flowers, but he threw them in a lamp.”

“He did what?” Lena asks, frowning. Okay, scratch her previous thoughts. She doesn’t dislike Mike, no, she despises him. The hurt look on Kara’s face makes her want to rush over to Mike and knock some sense into him.

“I guess he didn’t like them very much,” Kara says quietly, feeling emotionally depleted. “I wish I could just be friends with him. Ever since we got together, he always seems to think about… getting physical,” she explains, too nauseous to say the words. “The other day I was crying because something had happened with my adoptive father, which is a long story I’d rather not break into, but anyway, Mike came over and comforted me. It felt nice that he was there, holding me when I felt like I was breaking inside, but then all of the sudden he began to kiss me and it led to more.”

Lena is shook to her core that Mike basically forced himself upon Kara during a moment where she was in a lot of emotional pain. That’s what she’s hearing and it’s completely wrong, sick and downright toxic.

“I can’t believe I just told you all of this,” Kara mumbles, her lips quivering as her first tears threaten to spill. “I’ve been holding all of this in and I didn’t know who to talk to and I just-” Her words break off as a sob escapes her and then another.

“Oh, Kara,” Lena says softly, drawing her arms around her friend to hold her. “I got you, darling,” she says, stroking Kara’s hair soothingly.

“I’ve been thinking about telling Mo-Mike that I don’t like to be intimate like that,” Kara says, nervous to break into that conversation with him. “I’m worried I’ll hurt his feelings or that he will think I don’t care about him or that I’m being selfish.”

“Kara, sweetheart,” Lena replies gently, grasping Kara’s chin to look at her. “You have to think about your own feelings as well. It is not selfish to say no to intimacy. Your body belongs to you and to you only. If it would hurt his feelings that you say no or if he would react badly, then that is his flaw, not yours, and it would reveal the kind of man he is. Someone who loves you will accept you for all you are and will respect you. You should never have to feel afraid to be honest in a relationship.”

Kara lets Lena’s words sink in and it’s true that a part of her is afraid to be honest with Mon-El because she’s worried he’ll argue with her again. She hates how often Mon-El argues with her and how quick he is to lash out at her when she… when she doesn’t conform to who he seems to want her to be. Lena is right that her body belongs to her and that it wouldn’t be her flaw if she says no to Mon-El.

“There’s a lot I need to think about,” Kara says, needing to process the new information she received about her possibly being asexual and needing to think about what she’ll do with Mon-El. “Thank you for listening to me, Lena,” she says, genuinely appreciating it.

“Anytime, Kara,” Lena replies with a friendly smile. “My door is always open for you.”

It will never cease to baffle Kara how many people think Lena is evil when her friend has such a pure kind heart. Everyone in National City is missing out on an amazing person and a true friend.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kara has torn through two boxes of tissues so far while she’s reading information on her phone. Lena was right, there truly is a community and she is not the only person who feels this way. She reads with rapt attention about asexuality and the different types of asexuality. Reading all of this makes something click, like she finally found her place.

The door of her apartment swings open and Mon-El walks in.

“Hey, you,” Mon-El says, walking up to the couch. He dips his head down to kiss Kara.

Kara responds to the kiss, though when Mon-El is about to straddle her, she pulls away. She knows what it means when he straddles her, how he would begin to take her clothes off and his own clothes.

Mon-El frowns in confusion. “Why are you pulling away?” he asks, folding his arms in front of his body.

“I would prefer it if we could both keep our clothes on,” Kara answers, pocketing her phone. “I know where something like this leads and I don’t want that,” she says, mustering all her confidence. It’s not easy for her to say these things, but she needs to express how she feels.

“But we both like being naked,” Mon-El replies, smiling as he tries to lean in again. “It feels so good when we’re having sex.”

Kara brings her hands up to stop Mon-El. “I don’t like it,” she says, keeping her voice calm and steady. “I’ve never liked being intimate… like that. I should have told you sooner and I’m sorry that I didn’t, but I’m telling you now.”

“I thought you were enjoying yourself when I was on top of you last night,” Mon-El comments. “I’ll make it better this time. I can improve.”

“Mon-El, you’re not listening to me,” Kara replies, wishing that for once he would hear her. “I don’t like that type of intimacy. I don’t want to be naked for that purpose,” she explains, sighing as it looks like Mon-El is about to lash out.

“This is bullshit, Kara,” Mon-El snaps. “Again you’re pretending you’re better than me. Now you’re suddenly too good to have sex with me?”

“I did not say that,” Kara objects. “You’re not listening to-”

“You’re so selfish,” Mon-El spats. “Always thinking about yourself. What about how I feel? I have needs, Kara.”

“Your feelings?” Kara asks, standing up from her couch. “What about how I feel? My body is not your property, Mon-El,” she says, putting her foot down.

“On Daxam it would have been,” Mon-El replies lowly.

“I’m not going to listen to your disgusting replies any longer,” Kara says, feeling sick to have heard Mon-El say that.

“Look who’s not listening now,” Mon-El proudly points out.

“Our relationship is over,” Kara says, so done with Mon-El. “Please leave.”

“You can’t break up with me after everything I’ve sacrificed for you,” Mon-El replies, appalled. “You’re mine.”

“I never asked to be yours,” Kara bristles as she walks away. If he’s refusing to leave her apartment, then she’ll leave instead.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Alex gasps when Maggie pushes her knee between her legs. “Mhmm,” she hums when her girlfriend kisses her.

A loud knock on the door disturbs their make out session, which had hardly begun.

Alex sighs as she gets up from her bed. She quickly puts her shirt back on before opening the door.

Kara is standing in front of her sister’s door, her eyes red from crying and her glasses fogged.

“Kara?” Alex asks, immediately concerned at the state her sister is in. She takes Kara’s hand, pulling her inside of her apartment. “What’s wrong?”

“I broke up with Mon-El,” Kara answers, crying again. “I told him I don’t like getting naked and doing those… things, but he didn’t listen to me. It’s because I’m a part of the asexual community apparently, which I know because I talked with Lena and she was so kind to me and she listened and for so long I felt broken. I know I never told you, but I always thought we were the same, but then you met Maggie and you came out as gay and we weren’t the same, so I felt alone and lost and misunderstood. I thought I was broken, but Lena said I’m not broken and then when I read about asexuality I understood and I tried to tell Mon-El I don’t like being intimate like that, but then he lashed out at me and-”

“Whoa, Kara,” Alex replies, feeling dizzy due to her sister’s quick stream of words. “Take a deep breath and then slowly explain what happened,” she says while she guides Kara towards her couch.

“I’m sorry,” Kara apologizes, glancing at Maggie. “I should go,” she says, not wanting to barge in on her sister’s time with Maggie.

“Don’t go,” Alex says, wanting her sister to stay. “I’m here for you,” she promises, realizing that lately she hasn’t been there much for Kara. “So you’re… asexual?”

Kara nods and worries her bottom lip between her teeth.

“I’m happy for you, little Danvers,” Maggie says, smiling at Kara. “Hey, I could leave and I’ll see you tomorrow,” she says to Alex, wanting to give the sisters some time to talk.

“You’re happy for me?” Kara asks Maggie, feeling confused. “Happy that I broke up with Mon-El?”

“I meant that I’m happy you’re asexual,” Maggie clarifies. “It’s good that you found answers. Lena’s right you know, you’re not broken.”

“Oh,” Kara whispers, surprised.

“I’m proud of you, Kara,” Alex says, pulling her sister in a hug. Kara was supportive when she came out and now she’s getting a chance to be supportive about Kara coming to terms with her sexuality.

Maggie pecks Alex’s lips and gives Kara’s shoulder a light squeeze before she leaves.

Kara tells the whole story to her sister, pouring her heart out about how she’s been feeling. She tells Alex about her conversation with Lena and how Mon-El reacted when she tried to be heard. It’s a relief to her that just like Lena, her sister hears her.

“I’m relieved you were able to confide in Lena,” Alex says when her sister is done talking. She needs to give the little Luthor more credit than she has been giving her thus far. “How you feel is valid and the way Mon-El reacted wasn’t right of him to do.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t nice of him,” Kara replies, wishing he would have reacted in a more positive way.

“I could fly him into space with your pod and ditch him there,” Alex offers, hoping to draw a small smile from her sister. “Nobody gets to hurt my baby sister.”

“Alex, you’re only a year older than me,” Kara points out. “And if I count the phantom zone, then technically I’m older than you are.”

“How does ice cream and a movie sound?” Alex suggests. “Like old times.”

“As lovely as that sounds, I was actually thinking to go see Lena,” Kara replies, hoping she’s not letting her sister down. “I’d like to take you up on that some other time though,” she adds quickly. “It’s just that… Lena listened to me and helped me and there’s something I want to share with her.”

“Ah,” Alex replies, understanding what Kara means. “She’ll have to sign some papers from the DEO.”

“I know,” Kara breathes out, aware of that fact. It’s a relief that her sister isn’t going to fight her about her decision.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Lena is gazing out over the city, watching all the lights in the distance when footsteps sound behind her. She slowly turns around, coming face to face with Kara.

“Hey,” Kara says with a sad smile.

“Hello, Kara,” Lena replies, smiling warmly at her friend. “Is everything alright?”

Kara sighs, there’s that concern again, the sign that Lena truly cares about her. “I uh… broke up with Mike,” she answers, shaking her head lightly because she’s not here to cry again. “Anyway, that’s not why I’m here. I want to share a secret with you.”

Lena frowns slightly, worried that Kara had a bad fallout with Mike, though her friend is definitely far better off without that man-child. “Okay,” she replies, leaning against the railing of her balcony. “I’m listening.”

Kara plucks her glasses away from her nose and folds them. She then pulls her hair tie out, feeling like showing Lena is even better than merely telling her. Her hands fumble with the buttons of her blouse, slowly unbuttoning it. “You seem oddly calm about me doing this,” she says jokingly.

“I could close my eyes if you wish,” Lena offers with a polite smile.

“No, I want you to look,” Kara blurts out, too fast. “It’s not what you think,” she adds quickly, not wanting Lena to think she’s about to get naked.

Lena thinks this is exactly what she thinks it is, but she keeps her mouth shut and waits.

Kara takes her time to undo all her buttons and then pushes the fabric of her blouse aside, revealing her family’s crest. “I’m Supergirl,” she announces. “You’re my friend and I trust you, so I want you to know who I am.”

“I already knew,” Lena says, smiling brightly.

“You knew?” Kara asks, stunned. “You never said.”

“It was up to you to tell me,” Lena answers, happy that Kara trusts her enough to share this with her. There have been moments where she had hoped her friend would tell her, though at the same time she wouldn’t have blamed Kara if she would have never been explicitly told ever at all. “Thank you for sharing this with me.”

Kara slowly works her jaw and buttons her blouse up again. “Would you mind it if I join you for a bit?” she asks, simply wanting to look out over the city.

“Not at all,” Lena answers, sighing quietly as she turns to observe the city again. “How are you feeling?”

“It’s tough to describe because it’s a lot at once,” Kara answers while she stands next to Lena. “I don’t feel broken anymore though.”

“That’s a start,” Lena whispers, glad to hear Kara no longer feels broken.

“Yeah,” Kara whispers in agreement. She turns slightly, looking at Lena who seems to accept her fully for who she is. “It’s a start.” She rests her head on Lena’s shoulder and exhales slowly as Lena’s fingers come up to comb through her hair. It is little innocent touches of intimacy like this one which she craves so much, little touches that say _I care_ and _I love you_.

That night Kara stays over, cuddled up in Lena’s arms. Lena doesn’t expect more from her, doesn’t expect her to get naked or to have sexual intercourse. Lena simply kisses her temple and bids her goodnight and after the nights she spent missing too much sleep, she thinks that this time she might actually have a good night where she will sleep well.

The next morning she wakes up to the steady rise and fall of Lena’s chest and it awakens a longing inside of her, the longing to be able to wake up like this without having to worry about hands roaming all over her body. When Lena yawns as she wakes up, she doesn’t think she’s ever heard a cuter sound than Lena’s dinosaur-like yawn.

Lena smiles lazily when she catches Kara observing her. “Good morning, darling,” she whispers, slowly sitting up. “Did you sleep well?”

“Good morning,” Kara replies. She smiles as the blanket slides down, revealing Lena’s Supergirl pajamas. “I did and I still can’t believe you own Supergirl pajamas.”

“Well, I’m a fan,” Lena says, chuckling lightly. She leaps up from her bed to go to her kitchen. “I’ll cook you some breakfast.”

“A fan who is going to cook food for me,” Kara muses. She watches as Lena walks away in her Supergirl pajamas and she wonders how she got so lucky to have such a wonderful person in her life who lets her be herself.

Lena puts some music on and dances through her kitchen as she prepares everything to make pancakes. She sings along with the music of how she has a pocket full of sunshine.

Kara lingers at the door, observing Lena being carefree and she thinks she may have found what she had been looking for. To think all of this has been right in front of her for so long without her noticing. “I see you now, Lena,” she whispers quietly to herself.

Lena turns around with a spatula in her hand which she’s using as a microphone. She grasps a second spatula and hands it to Kara to join her.

That’s how the two of them end up singing and dancing through Lena’s kitchen, forgetting for one morning about the responsibilities they carry on their shoulders.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I began writing this because I'm so sad about how Mon-Ew treated Kara after the scene that shall not be named. So anyways, I got like emotional or something and before I knew it I'd written more than 3k words. The writers make me cry. Treat Kara and Lena right dammit!
> 
> ***DO NOT REPOST ANY OF MY STORIES ANYWHERE EVER, I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION FOR THIS***


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